Unrequited love is a romanticized way of articulating the experience of falling for someone who isn’t exactly falling for you. I’ve had my fair share of unfulfilling love stories from Tinder dates that end with my date’s girlfriend showing up (which was just as awkward as it sounds) to professing my undying love and affection to a boy in the sticky hallowed halls of a frat house to solely receive a quick pat on the head and a mumbled “you’re cute”. Unrequited love isn’t all Shakespeare makes it out to be, in fact it really sort of sucks.
Aw, a classic case of unrequited love. Left: Me, Right: The guy I proceeded to stalk and obsess over for 2 years before finally admitting defeat.
As we funnel time, energy and worst of all, emotion, into the object of our affection we find other areas of our lives drained, empty…and utterly exhausted! If I wanted the sort of love that required giving and giving (and giving) with little chance of reciprocation I would have adopted a cat rather than entering the dating scene. In the end your unloving cat doesn’t require a monthly bikini wax and probably won’t judge you for spending Friday night in bed with a block of cheese and some Ben & Jerry’s (a winning combo if you’re looking for a quick meal prep solution). That being said affection filters us from reality and leaves us just as jaded as confused as the “Kelvin” filter on Instagram (but seriously does life ever look that orange?). So as someone who has been there and done that, or should I say “been there, loved that (guy who didn’t love me)”, I thought I should share a few signs your true love doesn’t feel the same way.
- Your Prince Charming has very little time for taking you on real dates and daytime activities but has PLENTY of time for World of War Craft, spontaneous trips to Thailand and beers with the guys. He has time for his priorities, you're just not one of them.
- When you ever so romantically leave love song lyrics on his Facebook wall he just so happens to never respond. In theory serenading your man with Taylor Swift is a good idea; in practice it’s actually sort of creepy.
- If you’re looking for clues as if you’re Blue (the dog) chances are he doesn’t like you. You shouldn’t have to decipher one word text messages, you shouldn’t have to wonder whether or not an instagram like indicates hidden affection. If he likes you you won’t have to play Nancy Drew!
- No one enjoys drunken confessions of love at midnight via slurred speech and tear stained eyes. Cinderella had the good sense to head to bed at midnight and occasionally I think we should too! If your knight in shining armor pats you on the head and says “You’re cute” after a confession of your love chances are he’s not actually feeling it, shocker.
- If you just so happen to stumble upon him making out with another girl at a party…this is NOT a sign he’s hoping to make you jealous, and you should NOT (extra emphasis on the NOT) be make out with his friend in front of him. I speak from personal experience when I say these crazy mind games are a very unwise idea and never pan out with the happily ever after you'd hoped for.
- The love of your life won’t take another girl to a fancy dress up ball he knows you want to go to. Therefore if you find your man friend engaging in such behavior it’s probably best you don’t show up and proceed to stalk him (and sabotage her) the entire night.
- Desperate pleas for attention are a sign you are not meant to be. If you find yourself “accidentally” snapping your man pictures of you in your bikini in the middle of October, it’s time to take a look in the mirror and say to yourself “Sure I’m rocking this bikini but at what cost?”. I think you’ll find yourself realizing October is awfully cold for a two piece.
I’m no relationship expert but in my 22 years of life I’ve discovered a lot of ways to scare guys off, and have come to realize the stages of rejection (I’ve also watched a lot of episodes of Sex & The City). In the end we all deserve true love, and while true love isn’t perfect, I am confident that true love means never having to bash the object of your affection over the head with a two by four in order to coerce him into liking you. If vying for the love of your crush leaves you feeling underappreciated, unloved and generally inadequate chances are he’s not the one for you. Falling in love should make you feel like glittery fairy dust, you are so not generic (even if you’re as “basic” as me). Don’t let your love story be ordinary and blasé either!