Tuesday, September 9, 2014

How Marriage Changes (& Doesn't) Change Things

Its Tuesday and that means another lovely blogger is taking over my space today! Fellow newlywed Becca from Becoming Adorrable is here to talk about marriage and how though things change, you are still YOU even after you become a wife! 

Hi, Happy is a Choice readers! I'm Becca, and I blog at Becoming Adorrable every day. (Okay, almost every day. Stop by to say hi!) Like Brittany, I'm a newlywed. My husband, Tim, and I just celebrated our first anniversary last month. It's hard to believe that a whole year has flown by since our wedding day, and how much life has changed since then! timbecca031 It might seem like a no-brainer that life changes when you legally (and spiritually, in some cases) bind yourself to another person, but some changes are not so obvious, and some changes that people hope for won't usually happen.

 What did change:
We lived together. Actually, we lived together for a few months before the wedding (you can read why on today's post on my blog), but not everyone does. I'd say this is the biggest change a relationship can go through.

Your very personal space is invaded. And you share a bathroom.

 We're obligated to check in. Your spouse needs to know where you are, or they might report you as a missing person. Tim and I track each other's location via our phones, but we still communicate what's going on and where we are.

 We're obligated to attend family events. And now you have twice the amount of family (which just keeps growing because they keep getting married and having kids). Congrats! You'll feel like there's a wedding, shower, or birthday party every month.

 We argue over stupid things. Like how to load the dishwasher and who actually forgot to put the trash can on the curb Sunday night. At least I found that we argue over silly things more than before we were married. The good thing is: these arguments aren't serious.

 Instead of "How's the weather?" we hear "How's married life?" It's the #1 question asked of us during small talk with anyone we haven't seen in awhile. I'm not sure when this will ever end. Maybe when we have babies and we get "How's the baby?"

 My friendships. No, not all of them. But some. I've definitely noticed that unmarried people sometimes just don't get it... Similar to how new moms feel like their non-mom friends don't get it. "But why do you have to tell him where you're going? He doesn't own you, does he?" <-- I love that question! Also, some of your single friends may feel like a third wheel. Sorry, friend.

 I can't make decisions on my own. When you're married, have to talk about it before you buy an expensive TV, a new car, or a new dog. It's a joint decision. No spontaneity for you.

 The wedding "high" is gone. The center of attention is no longer on you post-wedding (and for that I'm actually thankful), and all those long lost friends who came out of the woodworks in hopes for an invitation will retreat and you might see them in five years. Or not, they're kind of busy.

 I always have someone to eat dinner with. Awwwwwww. Tim is actually on a soylent diet now, but he's nice enough to sit down with me while I eat most of the time.

 What didn't change:

 Money. Guess what? Getting married doesn't make money magically appear into your bank account! I mean, unless your spouse has a lot more than you do! You'll still have to make a budget and decide together what you can and can't afford.

 I didn't suddenly have a bunch of married friends. I think a lot of us have this vision that when we get married, we'll go on double dates with all our married friends and have dinner parties and I'll spend time with other married women who understand me! But the truth is this: married friends that both you and your spouse "click" with are actually really hard to find.

 My feelings. I still love Tim just about the same as I did the day I married him -- maybe a little more, yes, because our love grows and changes with us. But marriage is not a "fix" for a relationship. <--- That's important. Write that down and remember it forever.

 Me. I'm still Becca. Hi. Getting married didn't change my identity. It's just a little add on. Becca Dorr, My Little Pony lover, blogger, pet owner, wife.

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