Monday, July 28, 2014

Thoughts on Change, Uncertainty, and Contentment

My head is still spinning from this weekend-it was a full one. I got to do a lot of great things, spend time with friends and go on a date with my husband. When we were out at lunch we realized its been over a month since we went on an actual date. Oops! Newlywed fail. Anyway, I mentioned last week that I recently finished the book, Bittersweet and I just wanted to come here and share a few things that it taught me.

This book had me laughing and crying all in one chapter-Shauna Niequest is an exceptionally gifted writer. The way she weaves in practical wisdom and lessons into her life stories makes me want to stop and think more about what God is teaching me in every day moments.

You've heard me talk about contentment over and over in this space-it is one are of my life that I've constantly struggled with. I have a personality that is always striving, pushing, reaching. It served me well in high school when I made a 4.0 GPA and in college when I worked multiple jobs while taking full loads of classes, and its served me well in the real world as I climbed the career ladder and got a job I desperately wanted.

But it doesn't always serve me well, like when I get restless in that job I wanted so bad and start to feel like I need more. More responsibility, more challenge, more money. It doesn't serve me well in my marriage when I am constantly pushing us to do more, more, more. It doesn't serve me well in life when I look at what my neighbor/coworker/friend has and think that whatever that is, it will make me happy.

This season we are in is one that I am confident God is using to make us more like Him. He's revealing some issues in my heart that make me want to squirm and shove back deep down inside instead of face head on. Its one of growth, of changes, and above all, uncertainty. And if you've been around here-you know how well I do with uncertainty. But I'm reminded that certainty was never part of the deal. Jesus didn't promise a life full of certainty, of perfectly wrapped up boxes of where life would take us and road maps of  every possible outcome. Slowly, painfully, I am learning to open my hands and release the grasp on my life, my plans, my security and let Jesus do his work in me.

I still have a long way to go, and do not have this contentment and peace thing figured out but I am learning how to quiet the noise in my heart and in my brain in order to let God speak to my anxious heart. He reminds me of His faithfulness over and over again, day in and day out. This growth thing is painful and its easy for me to want to stomp my feet and whine and complain as if that will get me my way. But sometimes, when I slow down, I remember that Gods ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts.  And He's worth trusting, He's worth surrendering our lives too. Today, I am holding on to the truth that He holds it all together, not me. 

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