Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Don't Make These Dating Mistakes



I have an idea for a series about Dating Mistakes that I commonly see girls making, and mistakes I myself made. I am not an expert, nor do I know everything there is to know, but I did learn a lot from my early years in the dating world. And now that I am married to a guy that loves and honors me well, I can say with faith that a guy like him is worth the wait for you as well. I want to talk you girls who aren't married. I have a few thoughts on all the mistakes I made dating. And if I  can save one person from the heartache I caused and/or experienced, then I want to share my experiences. Today I want to talk about a really important Relationship Mistake that I made and didn't really learn from  until I was in mid-twenties.

Over the next month or so, I want to explore a few more "dating mistakes" I've made, because I think that theres lessons to be learned from them. Take my advice with a grain of salt because I am not relationship/dating expert, I simply want to share my experiences in hopes they might help one of you gals on your journey!



The other day, Kate from The Florkens, a blog I absolutely adore,  shared a wise piece of marriage advice which boiled down to making sure you marry the right person, and also making sure to BE the right person. Both of these are crucial to making a relationship or marriage work, but today, I want to focus on that first part. Please, think twice of who you're pursuing a relationship with! Many of the mistakes I've made have more to do than the person I was with, than what I was doing.

I am sure, if you're single, you've most likely created a list. A list of non-negotiables of what you wanted in a relationship. For me, my list included like "Follower of Christ, Respectful, Honest, ect." What is on your list? Now think back to the last person you've allowed in your life. That guy you started flirting with, going on dates with, maybe your ex-boyfriend, or maybe it never got as far as boyfriend. Did you compromise on your list at all?

Did you tell yourself you wanted someone who loved Jesus, but then somewhere along the line realized his "I am a Christian" actually meant nothing in regard to how he led his life? Did this person build you up, encourage you, honor your and respect you? Or did they tear you down, little by little? Did they disapoint you regularly, go back on their word, blow you off, tempt you to participate in things you made clear you weren't going to engage in?

Here's the truth. I compromised on my list more than one time. I dated someone who was physically & emotionally abusive, even though I promised myself I would only be with a guy who honored me and built me up. I dated someone who told me he was a Christian, but really, he had no relationship with the Lord and it was evident in his words and his actions. If you are compromising on things that are non-negotiables to you, its time to re-evaluate those priorities and maybe even your relationship. I can't say what deal breakers are for you, only you can detirmine that. But I am praying that if you're single, you never settle for someone less than you deserve.

Maybe you don't have a list, but you are with someone who is controlling, or has codependency issues or anger issues, someone with no bondaries, etc. I call these things red flags, and would recommend you figure out what your own red flags are. You don't have to sacrifice on important things like how you're treated, respected, etc. There ARE good guys out there, and they're worth the wait. I promise.

Also worth mentioning is making sure "YOU are that person who the person you are looking for is looking for." Thats another post for another day, but just one more thing to think about.

17 comments:

  1. Such a great idea for a post! I am sure we have all done this before!

    agirlandhersparkles.blogspot.com

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  2. Well this post just walked up and punched me in the face. I guess I have work to do.

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  3. Yesss! I was always guilty of having my standards too low and letting the wrong guys in! Luckily The Lord had a much better vision for my life and brought the perfect guy in, but if I had to go over and do it again my dating game would be much different!

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  4. This was such a great point! Can't wait for the rest of the series!

    xoxo A
    www.southernbelleintraining.com

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  5. Great post!!! Can't wait to read more :)

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  6. Excited for this series! I have let the wrong people into my life in the past. It was a hard time but definitely something that has helped me be who I am today!

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  7. This is going to be a great series! It's so much easier to see when you're out of the relationship what was wrong about it, but I definitely compromised my list a few times. I can't say I regret it, though, because it showed me what I REALLY was looking for and made it that much more obvious when I found it :)

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  8. I love this idea for a series ! You brilliant thing you !

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  9. I'm excited about this series.. really looking forward to it!

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  10. Ohmygosh back in my dating days I was the QUEEN of saying 'sure he isn't anything I want... but he has good qualities, too! I just need to find them!' UGHHHH what was I even thinking!?

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  11. This is great! I didn't date much, but the few guys I did date were totally not what I knew I wanted. I am so glad I got myself out of those situations before anything too bad happened, but I'm also glad I was able to learn a few things about myself because of them. I think this is going to be a great series that so many young women need to read!

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  12. I am ready for this series!!!!

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  13. I can't wait for the rest of these! In the mean time thanks for the slap in the face :) I needed it lol

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  14. This was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I want to thank you for sharing this! I recently got out of a verbally abusive relationship with a guy who did nothing but tear me down little by little & i didn't even realize it. I was controlled & it was not good. Thank you for reminding me I made the best decision in not furthering out our relationship because of comfort.

    Desirae @ okiedear.blogspot.com

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