I have an idea for a series about Dating Mistakes that I commonly see girls making, and mistakes I myself made. I am not an expert, nor do I know everything there is to know, but I did learn a lot from my early years in the dating world. And now that I am married to a guy that loves and honors me well, I can say with faith that a guy like him is worth the wait for you as well. I want to talk you girls who aren't married. I have a few thoughts on all the mistakes I made dating. And if I can save one person from the heartache I caused and/or experienced, then I want to share my experiences. Today I want to talk about a really important Relationship Mistake that I made and didn't really learn from until I was in mid-twenties.
Over the next month or so, I want to explore a few more "dating mistakes" I've made, because I think that theres lessons to be learned from them. Take my advice with a grain of salt because I am not relationship/dating expert, I simply want to share my experiences in hopes they might help one of you gals on your journey!
The other day, Kate from The Florkens, a blog I absolutely adore, shared a wise piece of marriage advice which boiled down to making sure you marry the right person, and also making sure to BE the right person. Both of these are crucial to making a relationship or marriage work, but today, I want to focus on that first part. Please, think twice of who you're pursuing a relationship with! Many of the mistakes I've made have more to do than the person I was with, than what I was doing.
I am sure, if you're single, you've most likely created a list. A list of non-negotiables of what you wanted in a relationship. For me, my list included like "Follower of Christ, Respectful, Honest, ect." What is on your list? Now think back to the last person you've allowed in your life. That guy you started flirting with, going on dates with, maybe your ex-boyfriend, or maybe it never got as far as boyfriend. Did you compromise on your list at all?
Did you tell yourself you wanted someone who loved Jesus, but then somewhere along the line realized his "I am a Christian" actually meant nothing in regard to how he led his life? Did this person build you up, encourage you, honor your and respect you? Or did they tear you down, little by little? Did they disapoint you regularly, go back on their word, blow you off, tempt you to participate in things you made clear you weren't going to engage in?
Here's the truth. I compromised on my list more than one time. I dated someone who was physically & emotionally abusive, even though I promised myself I would only be with a guy who honored me and built me up. I dated someone who told me he was a Christian, but really, he had no relationship with the Lord and it was evident in his words and his actions. If you are compromising on things that are non-negotiables to you, its time to re-evaluate those priorities and maybe even your relationship. I can't say what deal breakers are for you, only you can detirmine that. But I am praying that if you're single, you never settle for someone less than you deserve.
Maybe you don't have a list, but you are with someone who is controlling, or has codependency issues or anger issues, someone with no bondaries, etc. I call these things red flags, and would recommend you figure out what your own red flags are. You don't have to sacrifice on important things like how you're treated, respected, etc. There ARE good guys out there, and they're worth the wait. I promise.
Also worth mentioning is making sure "YOU are that person who the person you are looking for is looking for." Thats another post for another day, but just one more thing to think about.