Theres something I've been thinking about a lot lately, that I want to share with you guys. I want to do it gently, in a way that brings light to real life, that doesn't paint this picture of perfection and a conflict-free life. But I want to celebrate, and honor this gift God has so graciously blessed me with. I love love love being married, but I want to tell you all who are single and waiting for the right one, or who are dating, and waiting for that ring: Getting married is NOT when your life starts. The ring doesn't solve all of life's problems.
When Ronnie and I were dating, I could not WAIT to be engaged you guys. I am actually embarrassed now when I look back and see how I was spending my days dreaming and wishing for the next step. I though that once I got that ring on my finger, all of my life's problems would be solved, that life would be complete, and couldn't fathom one single thing that could be wrong. I look back now and its painstakingly clear: I was idolizing the idea of being engaged.
Once I got engaged, shockingly enough, my life wasn't perfected. I was thrilled, excited, and full of joy and anticipation to marry my best friend! But life wasn't perfect. I was stressed out with a lot of big decisions that were happening SO fast. We purchased a home, joined our bank accounts, I was in school working on my Masters degree, we both switched jobs, and we were trying to plan a wedding in five months. Anyone who's wedding planned and enjoyed it, WHO are you? Kidding...but b thought it was the most terrible thing in the WORLD at times. I had breakdowns regularly because I was just so overwhelmed by all the changes and decisions we were having to make so quickly.
Sure, we were living in a state of bliss because we were so excited to get married, but we also still argued. We still disagreed, we still had bad days and hard conversations and I was just SO STRESSED OUT with wedding planning. But I was convinced-once we were married, everything would be right again. We wouldn't stress about the wedding or the guest list, we'd get to live together and not have to say goodbye at night, and it would just be PERFECT.
We were married just over two months ago, and it has been SO FUN! The adjusting hasn't been too hard, the biggest thing was living with a boy since we didn't live together before we were married. But, again, being married isn't THE BEST thing that's ever happened to me! Seriously, its wonderful and a gift and a blessing. But the best thing that has ever happened to me is what Jesus did for me on the cross. Plain and simple. Ronnie and I are still sinners who need grace every day.
Sometimes we argue, sometimes I am selfish and bratty. We have really tough conversations, we don't always agree on big decisions, and small ones too. For example: EVERYTIME we have a big event to go to, like a wedding, we basically want to kill each other as we argue about what Ronnie is going to wear and why he didn't iron it the night before. I have control issues. I want things done my way, and in my time. We're real people. We love each other fiercely, and will do whatever it takes to make this relationship stronger, and sometimes that means we walk through some fire first.
My relationship with Ronnie is my number one priority, but Ronnie doesn't fulfill me. I love him more than I love anyone on this earth, but I cannot look to HIM to fulfill things that only God can give me. We both have to fight for our relationship with Jesus in order to fight for our relationship with each other. I cannot love him well, I cannot serve him and put his needs before mine day after day if I am not first seeking after the Lord and being filled up by His word and relying on HIS strength.
I just wanted to be really open and honest with you all about our marriage. It is wonderful, and I hope I didn't paint a picture of the opposite. But for any of you who are still single, or you girls who are just dating and praying for that ring know this: Your life doesn't start when you reach that "next" step. God doesn't wait til you're married to use you, every single season in your life has a PURPOSE. I was 25 when I got engaged, and I want you to know, there is beauty in the waiting period. Its hard to see when you're in the thick of it, but looking back now, I am immensely grateful for the season of my life I was single and God was preparing my heart to love my husband well.
Do you guys know Christmas is seriously just over TWO weeks away? Who's ready?? I think I am mostly ready, I have one more gift to buy for my mom and possibly my husband. Do you know what he asked for for Christmas? Four hundred dollar custom in-ear monitors. Basically, headphones that are custom made to HIS ear but "monitors" is what the fancy musicians call them. If I had an eye roll emoji, I'd insert it here. ;)
My dear friend Amber is hosting a 12 Days of Blogging Christmas Link Up, and I am such a slacker I didn't finish taking pictures last night. I was just so sleepy I immediately put on my onesie PJ's and drank hot chocolate in bed with my husband. Blogger fail. Tomorrow, I will be making up for it. Day One, and I already missed the boat here. But YOU still have time to go link up. Or, if you're like me, join up tomorrow!