Monday, December 9, 2013

True Life: This is Marriage Part 2

Theres something I've been thinking about a lot lately, that I want to share with you guys. I want to do it gently, in a way that brings light to real life, that doesn't paint this picture of perfection and a conflict-free life. But I want to celebrate, and honor this gift God  has so graciously blessed me with. I love love love being married, but I want to tell you all who are single and waiting for the right one, or who are dating, and waiting for that ring: Getting married is NOT when your life starts. The ring doesn't solve all of life's problems.


When Ronnie and I were dating, I could not WAIT to be engaged you guys. I am actually embarrassed now when I look back and see how I was spending my days dreaming and wishing for the next step. I though that once I got that ring on my finger, all of my life's problems would be solved, that life would be complete, and couldn't fathom one single thing that could be wrong. I look back now and its painstakingly clear: I was idolizing the idea of being engaged.



Once I got engaged, shockingly enough, my life wasn't perfected. I was thrilled, excited, and full of joy and anticipation to marry my best friend! But life wasn't perfect. I was stressed out with a lot of big decisions that were happening SO fast. We purchased a home, joined our bank accounts, I was in school working on my Masters degree, we both switched jobs, and we were trying to plan a wedding in five months. Anyone who's wedding planned and enjoyed it, WHO are you? Kidding...but b thought it was the most terrible thing in the WORLD at times. I had breakdowns regularly because I was just so overwhelmed by all the changes and decisions we were having to make so quickly.



Sure, we were living in a state of bliss because we were so excited to get married, but we also still argued. We still disagreed, we still had bad days and hard conversations and I was just SO STRESSED OUT with wedding planning. But I was convinced-once we were married, everything would be right again. We wouldn't stress about the wedding or the guest list, we'd get to live together and not have to say goodbye at night, and it would just be PERFECT.

We were married just over two months ago, and it has been SO FUN! The adjusting hasn't been too hard, the biggest thing was living with a boy since we didn't live together before we were married. But, again, being married isn't THE BEST thing that's ever happened to me! Seriously, its wonderful and a gift and a blessing. But the best thing that has ever happened to me is what Jesus did for me on the cross. Plain and simple. Ronnie and I are still sinners who need  grace every day.



Sometimes we argue, sometimes I am selfish and bratty. We have really tough conversations, we don't always agree on  big decisions, and small ones too. For example: EVERYTIME we have a big event to go to, like a wedding, we basically want to kill each other as we argue about what Ronnie is going to wear and why he didn't iron it the night before. I have control issues. I want things done my way, and in my time.  We're real people. We love each other fiercely, and will do whatever it takes to make this relationship stronger, and sometimes that means we walk through some fire first.

My relationship with Ronnie is my number one priority, but Ronnie doesn't fulfill me. I love him more than I love anyone on this earth, but I cannot look to HIM to fulfill things that only God can give me. We both have to fight for our relationship with Jesus in order to fight for our relationship with each other. I cannot love him well, I cannot serve him and put his needs before mine day after day if I am not first seeking after the Lord and being filled up by His word and relying on HIS strength.



I just wanted to be really open and honest with you all about our marriage. It is wonderful, and I hope I didn't paint a picture of the opposite. But for any of you who are still single, or you girls who are just dating and praying for that ring know this: Your life doesn't start when you reach that "next" step. God doesn't wait til you're married to use you, every single season in your life has a PURPOSE. I was 25 when I got engaged, and I want you to know, there is beauty in the waiting period. Its hard to see when you're in the thick of it, but looking back now, I am immensely grateful for the season of my life I was single and God was preparing my heart to love my husband well.

Do you guys know Christmas is seriously just over TWO weeks away? Who's ready?? I think I am mostly ready, I have one more gift to buy for my mom and possibly my husband. Do you know what he asked for for Christmas? Four hundred dollar custom in-ear monitors. Basically, headphones that are custom made to HIS ear but "monitors" is what the fancy musicians call them. If I had an eye roll emoji, I'd insert it here. ;)



My dear friend Amber is hosting a 12 Days of Blogging Christmas Link Up, and I am such a slacker I didn't finish taking pictures last night. I was just so sleepy I immediately put on my onesie PJ's and drank hot chocolate in bed with my husband. Blogger fail. Tomorrow, I will be making up for it. Day One, and I already missed the boat here. But YOU still have time to go link up. Or, if you're like me, join up tomorrow!

14 comments:

  1. This post is incredible. I think we often want/need a man to fulfill us when really, that's a lot to put on someone. I admire you for being able to share this part of your heart. <3

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  2. I love this post, I think it's something all women struggle with, definitely myself included! Learning to be content where you are can be SO hard, but knowing that where you are is where Jesus is really helps! Thanks for being real!

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  3. First, you = not a slacker. In bed with your hubby drinking hot chocolate was exactly where you were supposed to be. :) Second, I love your heart and this post. I'm excited for girls in the singleness stage of life to read. Marriage is an incredible blessing but it hurts my heart to see so many girls make it an idol in their lives, and almost embarrass themselves with hopeful comments. Praying that all who read will be inspired and encouraged to seek Christ, guard their hearts, and pray for patience. Thankful for you! XO

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  4. I needed to hear this. I too, want that ring and plan when the best time is to get engaged so that we can be engaged for a year and get married in my favourite season. I need to stop rushing things and ENJOY! thank you.

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  5. This is an excellent post, and it's the message I want to share with all single girls!! Being engaged isn't the answer, being married is not the ultimate goal or the end-all accomplishment of life. I've been married 3 years, and it's a very, very good thing. I love being married. And yes, it's not 100% peaceful all of the time...but it's not worth pining away your days of singleness wanting to get married because marriage does not solve all of your problems!

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  6. Oh the waiting game. I HATED IT. We fought more while we were waiting to get married than the rest of our relationship combined. There's so many emotions and my impatient heart was so frustrated. Then you get married and realize you married another human, not a superman. And, that's a perspective changing realization with deep implications that only God can reconcile for us... Oh honey, I had to work through all those emotions too and it reminded me that I'm just a girl trying to do my best and that's enough. :)

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  7. I remember when I got engaged telling my friend how although I had everything I always wanted on paper, I'm still not happy. Being engaged should be the best time of your life but honestly now that we're married, I'm much happier now. Marriage isn't easy but you have a lifetime with this person to work it out and compromise. I love being married!

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  8. Brittany, I really love this. Even though I know marriage is not perfect, I am one of those single girls and I struggle very much with that question, "Will I ever get married?" Especially after the guy I really liked got a girlfriend(they had been friends awhile apparently), got engaged and is getting married all within less than a year's time. It really broke me up and I am still having a hard time with it and it makes me sad. I am trying very hard to be content with being single and this time of life though. I know God will use it for important things too.

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  9. "I am immensely grateful for the season of my life I was single and God was preparing my heart to love my husband well."

    You are such a beautiful writer Brittany, I can tell that this piece came directly from your heart. It's amazing how easily you can preach God's word without sounding like an overwhelming preacher. I need to be honest with you - Christ isn't the center of my universe, and I spent thirteen years going to Catholic school ... but this post truly makes me want to reconnect with God and try to have the relationship with him that you do. xoxoxo

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  10. I cannot tell you how much I needed to read these words. Thank you for being so honest xx

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  11. I am seriously glad you decided to share about the "real life" side of engagement and marriage. One of my besties got engaged last weekend. I keep wondering when it will be my turn. All I can think about is the wonderful things we will finally be able to do then. Posts like this help keep me grounded. And it absolutely reaffirms that I do not want a big wedding, when it does happen.

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  12. Brittany, this is such a wonderful well written post. Thank you for being willing to speak truth! My marriage has been a great blessing, but I still struggle with everything that I struggled with before we got married.

    "I am immensely grateful for the season of my life I was single and God was preparing my heart to love my husband well." AMEN. This sentence is so beautifully put. I know I didn't see it then, but that season is such a blessing.

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  13. I've written this post. Several times, I think. Marriage brings SO much to light in our lives that we didn't see before. It's kind of stunning, isn't it? But, I see God's sweet grace more, too. This marriage thing is something special. I love seeing you learn some of the lessons that i've learned this past year, too!

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