I struggle against the blessing he sends me, but He meets me where I am, in my darkest moments. He gently nudges me and quiets my anxious heart with his grace and mercy. He pours his love onto me, even when I am so caught up in my selfish ways I forget to notice the little every day blessings and the wonder of the way he works in my life.
I have finally reached that point of surrender when I can say to Him "Not my will Lord, but yours." I sat in my car this evening crying tears of mixed emotions. Repentance for my lack of trust. Thankfulness for the ways He has showered his grace upon me anyway. Joy for the plans He has for my life that He is revealing to me little by little. With every step of faith I take trusting Him, he reminds me His intentions are good, His plans are perfect, His timing is always right. I cried tears of anxiousness, I cried tears for the memories I've made, for the season of my life that I just know is coming to an end, and tears of pure excitement for the season that I know is right around the corner.
In this season of change, I will fix my eyes on Him. I will find my value, my security, my happiness, my comfort, my peace in the name of Jesus alone. Girls, its so easy to look to worldly things for our value and happiness. Its easy to get caught up in the trap of "When xyz happens, I will be happy/content/secure." But our hearts will never be truly satisfied by things of this world. God has blessed me with a man I love, a job that pays my bills and leaves me a little for fun, girlfriends that make me laugh. God doesn't want me to find my value and worth in them, in things, in my job or in money. That longing for more that I may feel at times should point me to the cross, to the one who displayed His love for me and longs to fulfill the desires of my heart. . Fight against the lie that our value comes from anything BUT Jesus.
"We are his portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."