Recently, I heard a thought about surrender that sucker-punched me with conviction.
It went something along the lines of you know you are surrendered to God's will when you trust God to work things out versus trying to manipulate, force your own agenda, or control situations.
Yikes. You guys, I am struggling with surrender. I am struggling trusting that God's plan for my life is better than the plan I have worked out so nicely in my head of how things are supposed to go. I just have these life plans you know? Those plans that you have worked out so perfectly in your head? And when things aren't going according to plan, I sort of, possibly just lose it.
Sometimes I want to ask God, "What about me? When is it my turn?" I look around at people that I think have everything, and get stuck in the comparison trap. I feel so convicted that every time I ask God "Why don't I have this? When is it my turn for this?" I am basically telling him that what He HAS blessed me with isn't good enough. That His son's death on the cross that saved my life and set me free isn't enough.
True surrender says "God if this season, trial, pain, illness, loneliness, or circumstance is needed to fulfill your purpose in my life, or someone else's life, then I am in. I consider it a blessing." True surrender is trusting God, when you don't see what He is doing, or how things might work out for the good. True surrender is trusting His word. His word that says his plans for us are good and perfect, that everything works out for the good of those who love him, that He will never leave us or forsake us. That He alone is enough for us.
True surrender is responding like Jesus. Jesus surrendered Himself to his Father the night before his crucifixion and prayed "Father, everything is possible for you. Please take this suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine." Mark 14:36 True surrender is work, friends. I've surrendered a circumstance to God so many times I lost count. Sometimes, surrender is a moment by moment thing for me. We are self-centered sinners who need the grace of a loving God.
Yet I want your will, not mine.
When I am doubting God's plan, when I become overwhelmed with anxiety or worry about a circumstance in my life, when my plans aren't being fulfilled the way I'd hoped, I am going to chose four words: Lord, I trust you.
Lord, change my heart to desire your will instead of mine. Lord I pray for your forgiveness for my self-centeredness, my selfishness, my lack of faith. Give me a heart full of trust in your goodness.